“Pulling Mussels (from the Shell)” (Squeeze)

Your classic early ’80s earworm of the day is “Pulling Mussels (from the Shell)” by Squeeze. It was the first track on side one of their 1980 album, Argybargy. Released as a single in April of that year, it went to #44 on the UK Singles chart. Unfortunately, it didn’t chart at all in the U.S., although it did get a lot of play on stateside college radio stations.

“Pulling Mussels (from the Shell)” was written by bandmates Chris Difford and Glenn Tilbrook, who as songwriters were often contemporaneously compared to Lennon and McCartney. They really knew how to craft a hooky melody, and this song shows it. Lyrically, the tune reminisces about a youth’s seaside vacation in a British village called Leysdown-on-the-Sea. The protagonist paints a picture of an idyllic holiday “lazing about the beach all day” reading Harold Robbins paperbacks. But at night things got a little more steamy, as recalled in the choruses:

But behind the chalet
My holiday’s complete
And I feel like William Tell
Maid Marian on her tiptoed feet
Pulling mussels from a shell

In case you’re wondering, the phrase “pulling mussels from a shell” refers to the act of digitally pleasuring a young lady’s private parts. You can visualize it yourself.

Even if the record buyers of the day didn’t take to this track, music critics certainly did. The song has been described by various critics as “a timeless cult classic,” “a brilliant slice of pop genius,” “a pop classic of the new wave era,” and “a piece of pop mastery.” It’s all that, for sure, but at its core it’s just an imminently hummable piece of pop craft that’s as good as anything else before or since.

Squeeze had a number of UK hits in the late ’70s/early ’80s, although none really broke through in the States. Their most popular singles (at least in Britain) included “Take Me, I’m Yours” (#19 in the UK in 1978), “Cool for Cats” (#2 in 1979), “Up the Junction” (also #2 in 1979), “Another Nail in My Heart” (#17 in 1980), “Is That Love” (#35 in 1981), “Tempted” (#41 in 1981), “Labelled with Love” (#4 in 1981), and “Annie Get Your Gun” (#43 in 1982). Their last big UK hit was “Hourglass,” which went to #16 in 1987.

The band was comprised primarily of Difford and Tilbrook, frequently augmented by other stellar musicians such as Jools Holland and Paul Carrack. That’s Jools doing the piano solo on “Pulling Mussels,” by the way.

I was first exposed to Squeeze via their 1982 greatest hits compilation, Squeeze—45’s and Under. The first couple of times I listened to this tune, before I actually looked at the lyrics, I kept hearing the phrase “Pulling muscles for Michelle.” That kind of fits, but the naughty real lyrics are much better.